The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
