Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
His nipple licking is glorious
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