So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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