We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
