My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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