My hand turned me down
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Houston, we have a blender
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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