I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
