i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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