remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
