She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
