I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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