I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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