If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
