Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
