My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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