im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
