Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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