The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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