She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I puked a lego.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
