these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
