We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I party with great urgency now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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