made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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