I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
