Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
