I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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