don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
