Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
