I love black thongs
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
