There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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