I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
