the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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