I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
