Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
