she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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