I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
