ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
