Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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