If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
