Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
