ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
