About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
