im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Your cock deserves a montage
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
