Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
