Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's the barista slut.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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