what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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