I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
