I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
