My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
