Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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