Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
