Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
