this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
