i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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