You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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