Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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