I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
