You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
