so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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