just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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